you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
