Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
