i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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