I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
