Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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