I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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