tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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