just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize