If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
