Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
