According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
