I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
