I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
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When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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