I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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