She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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