Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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