You just made me feel so damn special
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
