I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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