why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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