Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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