I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Plan B is the new Plan A
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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