He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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