I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dignity is for republicans.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
