Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
