this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
