I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
