There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
