If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Vodka?
Forever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
