maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
