how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
