dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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