cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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