New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
