i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
