so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
