i think my tv is drunk
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
