remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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