the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
