i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
