i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
