This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i came on her dog
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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