Me too!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
