Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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