wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
