wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
