If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
