The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
