I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
