I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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