Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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