you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
