my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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