wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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