I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
