Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
