"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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