Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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