morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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