I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson