Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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