i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
