There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
