hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
