Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
